The Best of Times, the Worst of Times Read online

  Sometimes it is members of their family who need reassurance, and I may talk to them when our visits overlap. I think they do find real reassurance because they see me as cheerful and healthy even though I suffer the same illness as their loved one. Once again, I stress to them that it is only one part of us, this wretched illness. I tell them to try not to be overwhelmed by it, try not to make it the focus of life. As Robert Dessaix perceptively wrote in Night Letters, some people ‘totally live for being ill. It’s as if life lived without this disease would lose its gravity and significance.’ That’s true of any intractable illness. Remember the bigger picture. There is a whole big world beyond illness.

  Jessica: Sure, there is a world beyond illness, a world that politicians are very interested in, like sport, like trade and policing—but mental illness deserves attention and more government funding.

  Listen to these horrifying facts. Depression is currently the leading cause of non-fatal disability in this country, yet only 3 per cent of the population defines it as a major health problem! One million adults and one hundred thousand young people will live with it each year, and severe depression is a leading cause of youth suicide. One in every five of us will experience it in our lives. Six million working days a year are lost in Australia because of it and it costs $600 million each year. An astonishing 14 per cent of new mothers will suffer post-natal depression. These are alarming facts that should have every government pulling out all the stops towards research, education and facilities. And don’t forget we’re not talking about that feeling that all of us experience from time to time of being a bit flat and out-of-sorts. We’re talking major depression here—a potentially fatal illness, if it is not recognised and treated, and the sufferer supported.

  For me, the lack of priority given to mental health funding became so obvious when, after visiting Mum in the psychiatric ward, I walked over to the maternity section. I was there to see a friend who had just given birth to a gorgeous baby girl. The comparison was grim. I thought that if you weren’t depressed by the time you were admitted to the psychiatric ward, the atmosphere would make you depressed pretty quickly. In contrast, my friend’s room was bright and cheerful and crammed with flower arrangements. The ward was freshly painted. Everything looked new, expensive and well cared for—totally different to the scene of disrepair that I had just left where the care provided by the hospital staff was wonderful, but the environment they were forced to work in was appalling.

  According to research from the Mental Health Council of Australia, our spending on mental health is only half as much per capita as the equivalent in New Zealand. The lack of mental health funding also has wider implications for the community. Apart from the direct cost of providing medical and social welfare services, there is also a much bigger cost to the community when someone has a mental illness. The Mental Health Council of Australia has estimated that, between 1999 and 2000, poor mental health has cost the nation at least $13 billion annually. The figure includes the direct costs of providing medical and social welfare services, which come close to $2.6 billion. But the indirect costs add up to $10.4 billion.

  Mental illness has become a major health challenge across the world. Researchers claim that the incidence of depression, anxiety, alcohol and drug abuse, schizophrenia and bipolar disorder will rise over the next twenty years. As a community, we need to demand that our leaders take the issue of mental illness seriously and adopt long-term approaches to dealing with an issue that not only exerts a huge personal cost on families, but is also draining our economy. If the social responsibility argument falls on deaf ears, then perhaps the talk of dollars will have more currency with our political leaders.

  Chapter 12

  And so we came forth and Once more beheld the stars.

  —Dante

  Penelope: I have no doubt that my experience of mental illness has created the person I am now. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but there is much to be learned and gained from it.

  As I have said repeatedly (because it is so important), I do not define myself by my illness. It is part of who I am, and that is that. I must acknowledge it, respect it, then get on with living. It is a chronic condition and I will have to live with it forever. It never gets easier to handle the episodes, but experience has shown that I will come out of them sooner or later. I have also come to accept that, after an episode, I am physically exhausted and I must be patient, convalesce and nurture myself —just as anyone who has had a life-threatening illness must do.

  And now for the really good news. Since the beginning of the twenty-first century I have not been hospitalised once. The continuing pharmacological research has thrown up a number of new drugs that are proving more and more effective in controlling bipolar disorder. I am now on a combination of drugs with a stand-by one that I take for about a week when a mood swing seems imminent. This cocktail has been very successful and I’m sure it is the reason I have not had to go down the route to hospital. That is why I am so grateful to the tireless work of the researchers and consultants in dealing with this recalcitrant illness.

  My upbringing did not leave much room for teaching me tolerance of other people or different attitudes. There was a right and a wrong way, no grey areas. Having bipolar disorder has com-pletely disabused me of these ideas. I don’t have to agree with other people’s ideas and attitudes, but they have a total right to them. As Voltaire said: ‘I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it.’

  I hope that I have developed more compassion. Because of this inculcated intolerance, I used to be a fairly harsh judge of those I did not think were up to scratch. I was quick to criticise, too ready to condemn. But so much love and compassion have been bestowed upon me by my husband and children and my beloved friends, and I have seen so much kindness on the wards of mental hospitals,that I have tried to grow more humble and patient and accepting of all human foibles. The work goes on.

  This is where I am now: in the fascinating, challenging, exhil-arating journey that is my life, surrounded by the ones I love, who love me. I can only rejoice at my good fortune.

  Jessica: My family’s story is not unique. I, too, rejoice because our family has not only survived, but thrived. It saddens me that this is not the story for many, many families across the country. It breaks my heart when I hear other people talk about how alone they feel when someone they love has a mental illness. I don’t want anyone to feel alone because of their experience.

  Mum’s illness changed my life, and that of my sisters, forever. Despite the sad times, I no longer resent my mother for what happened. Mum’s illness is just a part of our lives. It’s not the only issue we’ve had to confront as a family. I still say to Mum that it’s not fair, but she always tells me that nobody said life was meant to be fair. But we do joke and say, ‘No more, haven’t we done enough character building already!’

  And, being the eternal optimist, I believe in a strange way that Mum’s illness has been a good thing for our family. It forced me to change from a nervous little girl and grow into a stronger, confident woman. There is no way I would have the close relationship I have with Mum, my sisters, DD, Dad, Lesley and Angus if we hadn’t gone through those rough times together.

  Mum taught me how to fight for what I want. She encouraged me to aim high. She taught me that there was no knight in shining armour waiting to rescue me. If I wanted to succeed, I would have to do it myself. But she gave me the courage to believe I could achieve my dreams and ambitions. I knew that Mum would be ready to catch me if it all fell apart around me. There have been plenty of times when she has rescued me. She’s helped me recover from heartbreak. She tells me she’ll never, ever stop loving me. Unconditional love is an incredible gift to receive.

  I sometimes wonder if it’s time to stop talking about our experiences. Yes, there have been some sad, terrible times, Penelope & Jessica Rowe but there has also been plenty of laughter and joy. It’s helped me enormously to share what happened to m
y family.

  Sharing my private pain has became a way of healing myself. But, at the same time, it feels like I’m scratching at those old wounds again. Perhaps it is now time to put the sadness behind. I used to long to be a part of a normal family. But I have now realised there is no such thing as a normal family.

  If I can grow into half the woman my mother is, I will feel incredibly blessed. Her courage, strength and determination in the face of her illness continue to move and inspire me. She showed me that love conquers all and that you can have the happy ending.

  Contacts

  24-hour crisis services

  Police emergency: 000

  Ambulance: 000

  Lifeline: 13 11 14

  Kids Helpline: 1800 551 800

  Helplines and Infolines

  Just Ask: 1300 13 11 14 (Lifeline’s rural mental health information service.Avaliable during business hours.)

  SANE Australia: 1800 688 382 (Mental health information and referrals to support groups.Available during business hours.)

  Support groups for those experiencing emotional distress, depression or other effects of stress

  GROW:

  Monday–Friday 9.00 a.m. – 5.00 p.m:

  ACT: (02) 6295 7791

  NSW: (02) 9569 5566

  NT: (08) 8945 4096

  QLD: (07) 3394 4344

  SA: (08) 8244 9299

  TAS: (03) 6223 6284

  VIC: (03) 9890 9846

  WA: (08) 9321 7333

  Support and information for carers

  Association of Relatives And Friends of Mentally Ill (ARAFMI):

  24-hour telephone support line: 1800 35 1881

  Monday–Friday 9.00 a.m. – 5.00 p.m:

  ACT: (02) 6231 6530

  NSW: (02) 9887 5897

  NT: (08) 8948 1051

  QLD: (07) 3254 1881

  SA: (08) 8221 5166

  TAS: (03) 6331 4486

  VIC: (03) 9889 3733

  WA: (08) 9389 9888

  Commonwealth Carers Respite Centre: 1800 059 059 (Business- and out-of-hours emergency services for: in-home respite, ongoing support.)

  Commonwealth Carers Resource Centre: 1800 242 636 (Counselling, information and referral services.Available during business hours.)

  Referrals to psychiatrists

  RANZCP College of Psychiatrists:

  Consumer Relations and Complaints Officer: Allen White (03) 9640 0646 Toll free: 1800 337 448

  Bereavement and grief support for parents The Compassionate Friends (TCF):

  ACT: (02) 6286 6134

  NSW: (02) 9290 2355

  QLD: (07) 3254 2657

  SA: (08) 8351 0344

  TAS: (03) 6261 4250 (Hobart) (03) 6344 4955 (Launceston)

  VIC: (03) 9888 4944 (24-hour grief support)

  WA: (08) 9486 8711 or 1800 628 118 (free call)

  NT: (08) 8927 1320

  Useful websites

  beyondblue: www.beyondblue.org.au

  Black Dog Institute: www.blackdoginstitute.org.au

  Children of Parents with a Mental Illness: www.copmi.net.au

  Clinical Research Unit For Anxiety and Depression:

  www.crufad. unsw.edu.au

  Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance: www.dbsalliance.org

  InfraPsych: www.infrapsych.com

  Just Ask: www.justask.org.au

  Just Look: www.justlook.org.au (Lifeline’s comprehensive online national database of low cost or free health and community services offered throughout Australia.)

  Mental Health Council of Australia: www.mhca.org.au

  The Compassionate Friends: www.thecompassionatefriends.org.au

  The Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists:

  www.ranzcp.org